Well, you know…

So today I decided to get a second opinion on my knee.  I thought it would give me clarity and peace about whatever decision I needed to make.  Instead, it filled me with more confusion and disquiet about what the heck I should do.   Nothing is easy.

This Ortho is more sports focused, so I fully expected him to be more encouraging of my desire to get back to running.  But alas, no.   The run down:

•  Don’t run.  Never run.  Even if you start to feel better, never run again.  You can only do low impact exercises for the rest of your life.  Even jogging is out of the question.

On that point, both doctors agree.

•  Both knees need to be replaced.

Once again, total agreement.

• I think you should wait as long as you can to have the Total Knee Replacement Surgery, because you are young.  Try Physical Therapy to see if you can buy yourself some time.

Sigh.  So now what?   Did I just screw myself over, if I do decide to move forward by finding a doctor with an opinion that benefits the insurance company?  Do I waste endless time trying to rehab the leg and strengthen the muscles, only to need to revisit the surgery in 6 months or 12 months or 3 years?   How much daily pain is acceptable to live with just to delay the inevitable?   Should I try PT for the 4 weeks he prescribed, while still keeping my April 19th surgery date on the books?

He did give me some more information on my anatomy, that I am basically severely bow-legged, which is why the pain is centered along the inner side of the knee.  Those muscles are trying to pull the knee back into alignment.   TKR surgery will correct this, because the new robot knee is is realigned along the midline of the leg.

What I do know:    I want to run again.  I dont want to run fast, but I want to run.   And my only chance at running again is with new knees.  It’s pretty clear that everyone who looks at my knees is horrified that I can even attempt to run on the mess of bone and jacked up cartilage that I have right now.   As for running on the new knee, there is some data to support that.  There is none to support running on my current knees.

I am in pain.   Not as acute as it was in November and December, but that’s mainly because I am barely exercising on them now.  Which isnt healthy in the long term.  As long as I dont walk, run, bike, row, swim or do yoga, my knees seem happy to allow me to walk and get through my day job with only some limping and pain.   I don’t think that’s enough for me.

I’m only 44.  Too young to replace my knees, but also too young to live with a disability that limits my activity so significantly.

Sigh.